I always knew it was him.

Its football transfer deadline day, and nearly everyone has signed for an undisclosed fee.

Lets debate the funniest Undisclosed fees!

example

Robinho: Manchester City to Ac Milan for £10,000,000 and a blow job from Heather Locklear

What are your funny thoughts on these undisclosed fees?

My photo of the Dalmuir Police crash is on page 6 of todays Daily Record ! It takes up nearly half the page and its the first time one of my pictures has been published in a newspaper. Im due a pay out for it too!

Its still unclear exactly what happened so feel free to play the guessing game with me in the previous post.

Its a fucking belter isn’t it!

I took this today shortly after it happened in central Dalmuir, a few minutes away from my flat. Im hoping to get it in the Daily Ranger or at least one of the funny papers.

I can assure you its non fatal, so that means we can take the piss out of it with a guessing game!

Guess how it happened?

My guess is they parked in Dalmuir to get some donuts and left their keys in the ignition, two local youths “borrowed” it.

Lets hear you’re guesses? Funniest guess wins a prize!

Right at the top of Scotland lies the awesome Smoo cave, the uk’s largest sea cave.

I had never heard of it until Mick from Micksworld mentioned it on his blog a while back. It sounded awesome and i knew i would have to go there next time i went biking in the far north.

I didn’t get to see the whole cave i think i only saw half of it, but that was still an awesome experience. Next time im up there i will go during the day and take the full tour. Here is my video of it and a big thanks to Mick for pointing it out to me.

Ive had a rat of a day. A fucking nightmare.

I got lost on the way to football and arrived late to face a mutiny on the bounty.  I manage a team of 18 to 25 year olds, a fiesty bunch of fuckers they are too.

Two of the lads got ratty because of my team selection and gave me pelters. The problem is, if you let anyone away with it, they will all try it, so i had to get into a stinking four letter’d argument before the game even kicked off.

It affected the whole team and we were 3 down within 25 minutes. They came to me at half time absolutely silent, which is a bad thing, usually you cant get a word in edgeways. I gave one of best ever half time team talks and made two changes.

We started playing well and came right back into it, drawing level with 10 minutes to go. But the other team then scored the winner with five minutes to go.

Cue the pelters again. I ended up in conflict with 10 of the squad for various reasons. Almost had to square go one of them. 

If i had a pound for everytime i said “fuck off” or “so fuck” then i would be taking the bold Karen to Paris Beauvais tonight.

No one ever fights over motorbikes, i think its time to break the habit of a lifetime and step back from the fitba.

Fucking pishy Saturday ruining game, so it is.

Big Tam from Fountainbridge turns 80 today.  The sexiest man alive, the best James Bond and the most impersonated voice in the world.

I rekon everyone here tries a Sean Connery impression at some time in their life. And i rekon any Scot who managed to have sex overseas probably has him to thank for it.

Happy birthday ya shexy beasht !

A few years ago i took home a georgeous girl after a night out.

I got it into my mind that i would have to be great in bed, or she might not want to see me again.

So i rolled on an extra safe durex, thinking that because they are thicker condoms they might make me last longer.

We got down to the dirty deed and i gave her the pounding of a lifetime (in my humble opinion)

However when we stopped, i noticed the condom wasn’t on my willy, and it wasn’t anywhere in the bed. She noticed me searching the bed with a bare willy and i think we both realised at the same time, that it was stuck in her fanny.

I think it came off about a minute before i stopped, which meant i had spent that final minute stabbing it further up.

She couldn’t get it out, and being a gentleman, i gave her a helping hand, but i couldn’t get it out either.

She eventually had to see a nurse and unfortunately i never got to see her again    

Does anyone else have an embarrassing sex story? Post anonymously if you want

I finally finished my learners bike tour of Scotland. Ive now been round the full mainland coast. All that remains are the islands but by the time i get round to that i wont be a learner anymore.

Last year i only got as far north as Ullapool, this year i went to the extreme north coast and this is where you will find some of the most awesome sceenery known to man! It was like being in another country! Like middle earth in Lord of the Rings.

Please watch the video i promise it is well worth it, i captured some good stuff that you will struggle to find anywhere in HD.

Next summer im going to tour Wales and maybe a bit of europe.

I met Kenny Dalglish today in Dumbarton.

He was signing autographs at a kids football gala day and is pictured above with my friends son Aidan.

Kenny is probably my biggest childhood hero and im still playing football today, 25 years after he and a few others inspired me to start in the mid 80′s.

It was a great experience to finally meet him and i’d like to say a big thankyou to Malkie for setting it up! If your reading this mate its much appreciated!  

I thanked Kenny for signing an autograph for me and he went like that..

“Nae Bother”

Scottish as can be.