It was my wee maws birthday at the weekend and i planned to do something special for her.  She loves the weatherman Sean Batty, fucking adores him!  And keeps telling me to be more like him. 

So i jumped on the bike in freezing conditions and shot up to Aucheneden hill, which i think has the best view within easy reach of Glasgow. Its only 4 miles north of Milngavie.

My plan was to snap of few good shots and send them in to big Sean and see if he would show one on the telly.  I sent them in my mums name so he would give her a wee shout out, which would make her day. (Fucking gentleman so i am!!)

So i get to the top. Its a heavy trek in the snow around a half mile up. Its a glorious day and im thinking the pictures will be so good that big Sean will be licking his fucking lips, and they’ll be on the telly for sure!

Before i’d even snapped 1 picture i decided to take a wee video.  I put my crash helmut on the ground… and it slides away to fuck!  40 yards back down the hill!  My biker boots have no grip and i cunt it most of the way down splitting my hand on the way.

This time getting back to the top is harder because the helmuts fallen off the beaten track and the snow here is knee deep but the thought of my wee mammie’s face spurs me on and i get 30 decent shots of the campsies and ben lomond. 

On the way home i met a competitor in the World Harmony Run, which i didn’t even know was passing through Scotland!  The guy couldn’t have been any nicer and even let me hold the harmony torch! http://www.worldharmonyrun.org/great_britain/news/2010/scotland/0305 

Wasn’t a terrible day after all.

A story concerning two people i know appeared in the Daily Record the other day.  Sadly a friend of mine died recently and another guy i know (who isn’t a friend) stole a valuable ring from his open coffin.  Have a swatch at this http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/2010/03/04/grieving-family-s-fury-as-sick-thief-steals-ring-from-coffin-of-dead-man-86908-22084526/

Its fucking unbelievable.

Scotland has a football team for Polish migrant workers called Polonia Glasgow.  As far as i know they are the only Polish team in the country.  I shot some of their sunday league match today,  they were playing my friends team Tullichewan up the Drum at the Donald Dewar centre.

Whatever the coach said at half time it seems to have worked. They eventually won 4-2.

I just heard 3 people died in a plunge from the Red Road Flats up Springburn,  formerly the tallest flats in Europe.

1 person falls from a building you think possible accident or suicide. 

2 people fall and you’re thinking certain suicide or foul play. 

But 3 people!  Whats happening up there has anyone heard?

I pure fancy her. I saw her on news 24 today with a stunning new hairdo and nearly dropped my dinner plate. She’s the one! im certain this time.

There’s a barrage of 999 traffic up my bit.  Every cunting day and night. If its not the polis its the firemen or the ambulance crew or all 3 together.

Tonight it was the fire brigade with ambulance support. That was me just in the door. Im not even here half the time yet i still notice it everyday. 

Its not a terrible scheme, but they’ve crammed 10,000 residents into an area around a half mile squared. If anything happens, everyone knows about it. 

Housing is still a big issue in this country. I saw Govanhill on the news yesterday, described as the worst slum in Scotland with people paying over £500 a month to live in death traps. Profit before people is the name of the game up there and whoever allows those slum lords to make a fortune from the poor, needs a heavy boot in the baws or fanny.

I can’t remember a spell like this ever. Weve had Tank Commander, Limmy, Rab C and now Burnistoun more or less back to back.

Im looking forward to this, i thought the pilot was excellent. Favourite sketch was REAL GUY!

fuck me, another full moon on auld firm night, the second this season! You know what cunts say about a full moon!

So far my area has been fairly quiet, a few cunts from either side singing songs but nothing has broiled over yet.  I went out on my bike and the polis were everywhere, for a change. I saw two cunts get huckled into an unmarked polis car, but the polis were in uniform? What the fuck is the point of that? What were they thinking? “we’ll take our hats off and everycunt will think were from the salvation army” or something like that.

I wish this pish would come to an end. This endless fucking rabble of nonsense. Folk hating each other over a sporting outcome. I can’t think of a soloution but this auld tune sums it up quite well..

I fucking love it!  I think its the best u.s. comedy show ever. 

I was talking to someone the other day who’d never even heard of it!  The first series came out 10 years ago and half of Scotland still seems oblivious to it’s existance.  It’s always on ridiculously late at night and it isnt even on one of the main five channels. Surely that can’t be right?  I think its the use of the word cunt that gets it a bad rep.

Cunt is the last great taboo in this country. You can show mass murder and rape, but you can’t say cunt. Its a cunt of a situation.

Anyway if you’ve never seen Curb your Enthusiasm you’re missing out. You can rent the box sets from Blockbuster for a fiver or its on more4 tomorow night at 12.50am.

have a safe auld firm day everycunt! my prediction is a 3-3 draw.